She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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