Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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