Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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