Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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