I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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