he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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