How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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