My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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