Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize