we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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