I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I will be naked everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize