Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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