I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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