but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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