The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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