I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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