I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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