some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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