it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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