why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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