I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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