Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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