so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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