Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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