I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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