Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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