So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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