I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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