Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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