Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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