hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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