it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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