first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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