my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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