My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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