Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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