Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize