i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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