For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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