I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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