dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize