she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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