You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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