I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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