Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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