grandma shit on top of the toilet
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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