i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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