she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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