I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize