Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize